napalmmk9: Cliche.

napalmmk9 (

napalmmk9) wrote,
@ 2008-01-04 13:08:00

Cliche.
Jesus, this is difficult.

I made a new year's resolution. Probably the most common new year's resolution, and just as probably, the most frequently broken new year's resolution.

I am quitting smoking.

Meaning, literally -- I'm in the process of it right now. Yesterday, I had 4 cigarettes, the day before I had five, and the day before that, probably 6-7. I'd been cutting back since last Saturday, although I kind of let myself go on Monday (hey, it was New Year's Eve.) This is after being a pack-a-day smoker for the past 14 years.

I'm already doing better at this quitting thing than I ever have before. I have not had a cigarette all day. This time of day is when I've caved the last two days, and I'm not doing it today. My method is pure willpower, like my folks did. No patch, no gum, no pill -- although if I fail at this (defined as going back up to like half a pack/day or more within the next two weeks), I'll be calling my Doctor to see what can be done.

It is all I can fucking think about, when the craving hits -- which is coming about twice an hour, if not more. My body is screaming at me for nicotine and I'm not letting it have any. I'm a rotten bastard that way. In retaliation, it is sending signals to my brain to tell me, "just one won't hurt... I bet X has a cigarette they could bum you... Why don't you pick up a pack on the way home, imagine how good it would feel to kick back on the couch and inhale reeeal slow" -- ah fuck, I gotta stop that.

But I have been spending $1,000-$2,000 annually on cigarettes since I was 17, and that has to stop. Additionally, they've now banned smoking in all the bars, so if I want to go out for a drink and not have to go out in the cold, I gotta stop for that reason, too. Beyond that, I want to see this city's plan to use the ridiculous level of tax revenue they get from cigarettes -- we pay the most in the nation, and it's a hideously regressive tax that kills the poor and is negligible to the rich -- go up in, heh, smoke. If we all quit they're fucked.

I don't give two shits about the health issue. Honestly I'm not all that afraid to die. I've got an appointment to keep in the afterlife, if there is one, and I'm already what, 12 years late?

One thing I'm doing -- besides twitching and chewing on things -- is looking at a picture of the Ultimate Collectors Edition Lego Millennium Falcon I mentioned a few posts back. In just two months of not smoking, I could easily afford it with all the money I'd be saving.

But holy shit, it's tough.

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channonyarrow
2008-01-04 07:26 pm UTC (link)

I don't know if this will help, but it helps me on those occasions when I'm really doing something where I would have had a cigarette - mainly driving. Remember that every craving you ever experience in your life only lasts seven minutes, and if you can outlast that seven minutes you've got that craving behind you. You might have another one five minutes later, but that one, too, is only seven minutes, and the spacing will get wider as you get off the nicotine entirely.

I use that for the not-smoking thing and also for those moments when I'm not hungry but I really, really, really want something sweet just because I want sugar. If I still really really want it in seven minutes, as long as it's not a cigarette, I can have it, but generally I find that I don't.

(Reply to this)

roadriverrail
2008-01-04 09:11 pm UTC (link)

I really wish you luck with that. I hear willpower is the only way to fly. Just do it, and route all inquiries directly to "no".

The only story of quitting I've heard in my family was my grandfather, who quite literally threw out all his tobacco products and didn't tell anyone he did it. He said it kept people from pestering him by talking about it. He was so silent my uncle continued to lecture him about why he needed to quit for months.

I don't give two shits about the health issue. Honestly I'm not all that afraid to die.

I'm not, either, but I've discovered the great amount of pleasure there is to be had through using my body, and the better nick I keep it in, the more of that pleasure I get to have, so why not?

(Reply to this)(Thread)

	napalmmk9 2008-01-04 09:21 pm UTC (link)
	That's fair. I have had the thought that I might be able to (ahem) vigorously perform for longer stretches of time with fewer breaks. It's a bonus. (Reply to this)(Parent)(Thread)

	roadriverrail 2008-01-04 09:41 pm UTC (link)
	It is a fringe benefit. Marathons don't just apply to runners. :) (Reply to this)(Parent)

geekalpha
2008-01-04 11:13 pm UTC (link)

I wish you luck.

I quit a year ago, and I did it cold-turkey. My primary motivation was health, but not health from a fear-of-death perspective, but from a I-have-to-work-out-three-times-as-hard-for-the-same-benefit perspective. I am sure if I quit working out, I would end up smoking again within months.

There was also another primary motivation: I was done. I've never been a "I'm quitting again" person. Nor would I smoke lights to try to reduce the impact of my smoking. Instead, my strategy was to smoke as long as I still enjoyed it and still wanted to. When I decided to quit, I had already decided that I was not really enjoying it anymore.

If I had not made this decision, there is no way that the health issue or any other, particularly moral motives, fear motives, or money motives would have been enough. Basically, I was sick of my life being tethered to this one compulsive act that made me put everything on hold several times a day, for minimal enjoyment, enjoyment that also frequently made me feel like shit.

Things that made quitting easier for me:

1. I don't drink. Most people I know that start again do it when drinking, so this wasn't so bad.

2. I made a commitment not to bum cigarettes. It is way too easy to just bum one and mentally transfer some blame to someone else. I would not let this happen. I took ownership of my abstinence and complete responsibility for my smoking if I was going to choose to go back. For the first three months, I carried a pack of cigarettes and a lighter with me or in my car at all times. This way I would have to consciously take ownership of returning to smoking if I decided to give in to a craving.

3. I replaced my most difficult rituals with other rituals. In the morning and before bed were when I really wanted a cigarette. I made turkish coffee instead. For breaks at work, I either went for a walk or went into a friend's office and shot the shit for a little while. I made my car a non-smoking area and I just bring a beverage when I am driving. After meals was still hard for a while.

4. I moved on. As soon as I made it through the first week or so, I just made smoking a non-issue. I didn't crow about it or talk about it. I didn't obsess on other smokers or the smell or anything else about smoking. I still go to one of the very few Seattle clubs that allows smoking, and I dance like a fiend there, so I don't even avoid smoking. I just moved on to other more important things. I not only made the commitment to be a non-smoker, but I went further not to define myself in terms of smoking at all. Otherwise, smoking still has power.

Anyway, good luck. A year later, I don't miss it and I rarely think about it at all. It is worth the trouble.

(Reply to this)

	sorscha 2008-01-05 07:06 am UTC (link)
	Go you good thing. I'm on the bandwagon with you, though probably not doing it as tough (I've never been a full-timer). (Reply to this)

	sylvia101 2008-01-05 02:55 pm UTC (link)
	good luck, it is one of the hardest things in the world to quit. but i know can do it. if you do go to the dr., i know someone who was sucessful using wellbutrin. (Reply to this)

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